Is divorce that bad?

It is the beginning of 2020 and I am in front of my computer trying to understand why there are so many marriages that had been torn apart last year, including my parent’s one. The statistics are quite scary — The National Statistical Institute in Bulgaria gave the number of 10 596 divorces that happened in Bulgaria for the past 2019. Happily the tendency is that the divorces are way less than the first decade of 21st century where the record of over 16 000 divorces were signed in 2007.

However, in my opinion we should not consider that much the statistics, but the way those divorces reflect on the child or children of every family.

In my family line, divorce is a quite common thing. My dad and all his siblings come from divorced parents and lately he got divorced with my mother. Despite this sad event, in contradiction to The Family Means’ study, I had all those feelings before the actual divorce, rather than after it. I couldn’t stand their all-time fights — my dad’s shouting and my mom’s crying. Back than I was eleven years old and everything seemed scary. I didn’t understand the relationship between a man and a woman, that is why it was confusing for me to see them looking like they don’t love each other. I was always the one to bring them back together, but of course I started realizing that they were doing it, just because of me. At some point when I was hearing them in the other room, I was just putting my headphones, trying to escape from the miserable reality. Suddenly, my dad left and all apartment got quiet. My mother was no longer this cheerful woman with a gorgeous smile and my dad was keeping himself distant, but no matter what happened between them two, they never changed their attention and love towards me and my brother.

Unfortunately, I became a witness to the same situation in another part of my family. My two cousins, which are three and eight years old, are experiencing the same thing. I can say for sure that for them is even more shocking than it was for me. Their parents got into a huge fight and both of them got super upset. I didn’t know what else to do than just hug them to calm them down and lie to them that everything is going to be alright, when I knew that it would not.

I have many friends that have been in my situation and also I have read a lot of similar stories. In many cases children are way more affected before the actual divorce, because they are experiencing all the fights along with their parents.

I want to invoke all parents that are facing their struggle of getting divorce, to be more careful how they act in front of their children. Children just need to be showed love and support, and it is not a lot to ask for.

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Ivet Petrova is a student in the American University in Bulgaria majoring in Journalism and Mass Communication. She experienced a divorce in her family.

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