Find your happy place

Holidays are a time when families and friends gatherer together to celebrate. It can be a time of laughter and fun or a time of stress and for some even loneliness. How do you get through the holiday especially if you have lost a loved one or are going through another loss or divorce?

Families bring about dynamics that are different than anything else. How to keep the stress down? First of all remember the day is not all about you. It is so easy to go back in time during the day and remember how it was as a child. When you walk back into your parents house and regain those childhood feelings its easy to feel like that child. Your parents may even treat you like a child even though you are an adult and haven’t lived there for years. We can all revert back. The important thing for you to remember is that you are not who you were as a child, you are a mature adult.

One of the things that you can do is to practice mindfulness. Just like mindful eating mindfulness means that if a family member snaps at you it would be very easy, (and very passive aggressive) to snap back at them. First of all remember hurting people hurt people. Rather than snapping back remove yourself from the situation or room. Go for a quick walk and take a deep breath. Though what they said was hurtful now is not the time to discuss it. Make a note of it either in your phone or in writing and tuck it away for another time when it is appropriate to revisit it. Snapping back doesn’t do any good. Brush it off and regroup.

If you are worried about the food that is being served, take something healthy that you know you can eat and share it with others. It can be your hostess gift, make it positive. Rather than saying, “I’m on a diet.” Sell the food with positive comments such as it is a new dish that you absolutely love and you knew that they would too. Keep the spotlight off of you and on the food and don’t let anyone talk you into eating anything that you don’t want to. You are responsible for what you eat not anyone else.

Be prepared with canned responses for the personal questions that will be asked. If you are single, have just gone through a breakup or are going through a divorce there will be questions, be prepared. They do truly care about you but it can be intrusive and if you have answers prepared it will be less uncomfortable. Turn the question around to them and off you. It will turn down the heat. You are strong and confident just the way you are, don’t let anyone tell you different.

Be kind to yourself. If you know it is going to be uncomfortable, plan your entrance and escape ahead of time. Come right before food is being served and leave right after dinner if you must. If it is really hard to get out have someone call you at the time you want to get out. You can then politely excuse yourself and be on your way.

Be happy and confident, laugh, have fun, and enjoy yourself even if everyone else is not. Don’t dwell in the past. You have a future so look forward to it.

Now if you find yourself alone during the holiday prepare ahead of time. Rather than feel sorry for yourself look for something that you can do for someone else. Volunteer to serve at a soup kitchen or go to an animal shelter and volunteer to play with the animals. You can spend the day doing something that you always wanted to learn such as painting, drawing or creating a bonsai tree. The advertising and media try to sell their product and they use people to do imaking everything look really fun. You can have a great time for by yourself being yourself. If

you are recently single it is healthy to learn to be alone and not depend on someone else for your happiness. Enjoy every single minute of every single day. Life really is short.

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